


it's killing me and taking control

by diiem



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Author Projecting onto TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Eating Disorders, Gen, Hurt TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Oneshot, Short Story, TommyInnit Needs a Hug (Video Blogging RPF), except for right now because thats what im doing, me??? projecting onto tommy??? i would never...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-17 22:16:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29724054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diiem/pseuds/diiem
Summary: "If Tommy had an eating disorder, he’d be thin. Deathly thin. He’s not thin, He’s got fat all over him, hanging off his arms, legs, stomach."-OR,tommy refuses to believe he has an eating disorder. until he maybe believes it a teensy bit. but it's not a problem, right?-title taken from 'Mr. Brightside' by The Killers !
Relationships: None
Comments: 6
Kudos: 81





	it's killing me and taking control

**Author's Note:**

> hey !! just a disclaimer, this is not, in any way, meant to reflect my opinion on tommy. in fact, this was originally written with i/me/my pronouns, and was only changed to be about tommy after it was fully written.
> 
> all body types are beautiful and eating is important ! if youre struggling with an eating disorder, i strongly advise telling someone about it or seeking for help, itll be worth it<33
> 
> this is a oneshot and i probably wont add onto it unless someone would like me to.

Tommy doesn’t have an eating disorder.

If Tommy had an eating disorder, he’d be thin. Deathly thin. He’s not thin, He’s got fat all over him, hanging off his arms, legs, stomach.

If Tommy had an eating disorder, he’d skip meals. He wouldn’t protest against his mind and eat everything. But that’s what he does.

If Tommy had an eating disorder, he’d watch what he ate. He'd be careful to avoid certain foods. He’d have a calorie journal that tells him how much he’s allowed to eat and what he has to do to make up for it when he breaks his rules. That he doesn’t have.

If Tommy had an eating disorder, he’d throw up after eating. He’d be able to do it, able to get rid of the newly consumed calories before his body could take them and make him even fatter. But he doesn’t purge.

If Tommy had an eating disorder, he’d at least feel hunger pains instead of stomach aches. He wouldn’t feel ill, he’d feel hungry. He’d feel hungry until his body was so used to the feeling of the hunger pains that he would forget how it feels to  _ not _ be hungry. Hungry would be his normal.

But it’s not. It’s not because Tommy doesn’t have an eating disorder, no matter what the online tests say. They don’t know. They’re not accurate. They’re made by random people on the internet. Who cares if his results came out positive on every single one? They’re not accurate, they’re lying.

Because if he had a problem, a real problem, he wouldn’t tell his friends about it. He’s faking it for attention because if it were real, he wouldn’t want anyone to know. He’d want it to be his little secret. A secret because if anyone found out, they’d make him stop.

But he told people. And either way, there’s nothing for him to stop because  _ he doesn’t have an eating disorder _ .

He shouldn’t have told them. He shouldn’t have told Wilbur, or Tubbo, or Jack, or Niki. He shouldn’t have told Dream, or George, or Karl, Or Quackity. He’s an attention seeker, he acted like he had an eating disorder when he  _ doesn’t _ and now they’re worried about him for no reason. He craves attention, he needs it. He fakes things for it. He acts like something’s wrong when, in reality, He’s perfectly healthy. Both mentally and physically.

There’s nothing wrong with him. There’s no reason for his friends to want to help. Because  _ nothing is wrong _ .

But he  _ wants  _ there to be something wrong with him. He wants to have the anxiety he fakes. He wants to have the depression he fakes. He wants to have the eating disorder he fakes. God, he’s such a bad person. Why is he like this?

Because they’re not diagnosed, nothing is diagnosed. So he must be faking it, right? Right. It’s all in his head because he’s a horrible person who fakes illnesses for attention. Illnesses that real people have and struggle with. Real people that need the help more than him, but who’s chances he steals.

But if Tommy  _ didn’t  _ have an eating disorder, would he struggle this much with how much he weighs or how much fat clings to his body?

If Tommy didn’t have an eating disorder, would he want to skip meals and praise himself when he successfully did so?

If Tommy didn’t have an eating disorder, would there be that voice in his head; the voice that tells him not to eat and to make himself vomit when he does?

If Tommy didn’t have an eating disorder, would his BMI tell him that he’s underweight for his age and height?

If Tommy didn’t have an eating disorder, would he even care so much about whether he did actually have one or not?

Okay, so, maybe, just  _ maybe _ , Tommy might have a little bit of an eating disorder. But it’s not a problem if he can’t even have the disorder correctly in the first place, right?

_ Right. _

**Author's Note:**

> hey haha yes im aware i have another fic in the works on this account but i have absolutely no motivation for it as of now so it may be a little while until it's updated. sorry !!<3


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